Not in the holiday spirit this year? There’s plenty to do in December that doesn’t smack of holiday cheer, or if it does, is firmly tongue-in-cheek. I present to you a guide for those of us, the childfree and Grinchy, who are not into anything involving sleigh bells or good little girls and boys.
I know we Burg-ers don’t love crossing the bridge, but it is well worth it to Scrooge-it-up at The Castle’s dark holiday celebration, Hallucination Before Christmas, in Ybor City on Dec. 15. The raucous annual event features four themed rooms based on The Nightmare Before Christmas, live entertainment, and absolutely no cheesy holiday kitsch.
The following weekend, on Dec. 22, The Castle will also host a onesie/pajama party. I, for one, will have a blast dancing around in my old-school Batman onesie among the super-serious, latex-clad, goth chicks. It’s the little things.
You’ll be grateful to be free of children and Christmas carols at Cage Brewing’s Grateful Dead Night on Saturday, Dec. 22. Bring your pups, go to town on some BBQ, and rock out in their beer garden. The folks at Cage invite you to have “A Very JERRY Christmas.” A welcome update, eh?
Just want to drink your way through the season? I highly suggest checking out Iberian Rooster’s new Drag Brunch on Saturdays. The $25 tickets include the show, an entree, breakfast pastries, and a mimosa or bloody mary. After that, mimosas are $3 and bloodies $5, or just get upstairs, where you can score unlimited mimosas in a variety of flavors for $15!
If Sunday boozy brunch is what you’re after, hit up Oyster Bar. Their high-end Bottomless Brunch Buffet will only set you back $18, and bottomless mimosas are $14; bloodies are $18. If you don’t leave there satisfied and sloshy enough to want to wear a stupid Santa hat, you’re doing it wrong.
Prefer your inebriation with a dash of culture? The Museum of Fine Arts invites you to attend their Cocktails & Collections event on Dec. 20, and the third Thursday evening of every month. Each event is themed, and the $20 price tag includes a docent tour, live music, hors d’oeuvres, and an art-inspired signature cocktail.
This is also a great time to check out the Imagine Museum. Skip the Jingle Bells, and instead wander through a glass art wonderland on Thursday evenings for $5 After 5. On Tuesdays at 5:30, drop in for an hour of yoga and zen out surrounded by their beautiful collections. The cost is $10, don’t forget to bring your mat!
Finally, we can’t forget the festive glory of Dog Bar in the winter! They’ll be hosting an Ugly Sweater “Paw-ty” all day Dec. 21, so grab your most hideous top and join the fun. What’s cuter than a pup in a costume? A pup in an ugly X-mas sweater, of course! They’ll also give you another opportunity to don that onesie on Dec. 23 for their own onesie party. You may want be a doggy to fit in, but I’ll be there in a kitty onesie, just to shake things up.
Worry not, you can definitely survive the season unscathed by Christmas cacophony. Just seek out those events which aren’t holiday-themed — I promise there are plenty! I also suggest seeing some awesome movies that play with your holly jolly expectations, like the 1974 horror classic, Black Christmas, the newer Krampus and, of course, Nightmare Before Christmas! Happy Grinchmas, everyone!
